I am desperately seeking balance right now. I think I may have stumbled upon something valuable yesterday with my question about finding the place in my life where I feel competent and can eat like a normal person.
Today is my first real challenge with this idea. I’m feeling really sad right now because of a family situation. Basically, I’m caught because someone dear to me is angry at me. That’s fine, but this person refuses to talk to me. All I hear from everyone else in the family is that I need to forgive and how funny it is that this person and I cannot seem to get along. I’m lost in the middle of this. I’m screaming at the top of my lungs that I am not the one with the problem. I want to find a resolution, but this person refuses to speak to ME!
So this is weighing heavily on my soul today because being unheard in your own life is a very sad thing, indeed. And the temptation is there to drown myself in food because what’s the point of being healthy—physically or mentally—if no one is there to notice you.
I know I have a choice. I have a to-do list sitting right here in front of me. Really, it’s nothing terribly difficult; I should be able to have most of it done in an hour. That still leaves me time to work on a short story and make a phone call or two.
I’ll be honest. I really don’t know which I will choose the moment I walk away from this computer. You must understand that I want to say I will take the higher the road, but there are no guarantees. The human spirit is so fragile and the mind so deceptive.
For now, I need to cry. And then I hope I will muster all my strength to push on.
